By Ethelbert Obinna Umeh
I have spent many years counselling people suffering from breakup. Some people can’t easily cope after a breakup. Some don’t see any meaning in life when they are caught by the cobweb of breakup or divorce.
I will dedicate the whole of next week, talking about how to cope or how to get your ex friend back. I hope to develop over 20 articles on this exciting topic.
I have done so for a relationship site a couple of years ago, as a freelance writer / journalist. This time around, I hope to bring the skills, knowledge and wealth of experience I have garnered so far here. Invite your friends to be part of this discourse.
Now back to the issue at stake, best friends can break up over a minor issue. Some even break up over a fight, or a mere gossip. While, a great number of people breakup simply because they were not compatible.
However, we are not going to delve into to the role of compatibility in a relationship here and now, but we promise to discuss it in preceding weeks.
Friends can breakup for the following reasons:
· Lack of trust- if the two parties don’t trust themselves; confusion, envy and jealous are inevitable. And that is enough for the relationship to hit the wall if something positive is not done quick.
· Unwillingness to resolve problems- problems are inevitable in every relationship. I have taken time to counsel a lot of married and singles who are deep-rooted in a relationship.
Over 80% of them admit that once in a while, they quarrel with their partners. About 15% says that when they quarrel, they resolve it with each other within the shortest possible time.
While about 7% say that their partner will have to come and beg them with gifts before they could give them a listening ear or even forgive them. However, if an issue was unable to be resolved amicably by the parties involved, no matter how small the issue is, it can lead to a breakup very easily.
· Persistent infidelity- some people can’t stand their partner having an emotional encounter with another. To many people, this might be the only condition for divorce or breakup as the case maybe. Well, I have my reservations to this view. But probably, I will not go into detail here and now.
If a partner sleeps with someone mistakenly or out of human failings and sincerely begs for forgiveness, he / she should be forgiven. But if it becomes a part and parcel of the person, then something drastic has to be done in order to arrest the situation.
Sexual pressure- in compatibility, there is what I call ‘sexual compatibility’. While counselling or speaking with singles in seminars and conferences, I always counsel on the needs for friends and intending couples to know their sexual compatibility, because I know that lack of it can easily lead to breakup or one partner always caught sleeping around with other people.
· Undue demand or pressure- asking your partner material things beyond their earning capacity can make them to breakup with you. You should study your partner well, and ask things you know they can easily give out or ask things that are necessary. Asking beyond their limit can give way for a breakup. Because the partner may think that you are interested in them because of the material things you feel you will get from them, not for love.