How to be a nice boyfriend (series 1)

By Ethelbert Obinna Umeh

It is not easy to be a nice boyfriend. To become one, you really need to work hard. One can have an amazing girlfriend, yet he is not a good boyfriend. For example, if you are habitually cheating on your girlfriend,
you are simply a bad boyfriend, no matter the amount of expensive gifts you spend on her.

You are a bad boyfriend, if you don’t communicate well with her both on emotional and psychological level. A good boyfriend knows when to communicate and how to communicate with his partner.

In this boyfriend series, I am going to describe five ways one can be a great boyfriend. To ensure you understand all these steps, try as much as possible to read all of the series and make your contributions. I will really appreciate if you can go through all of them.

Learn how to communicate with her

You cannot not communicate. Communication is very essential in everything we do. A relationship will crash easily if there is no communication between the love birds.
You can communicate well in the following ways:

·        Be honest- honesty, they say is the best policy. If you are dishonest, then there is no need building a worthy relationship. If you are honest at the beginning, try as much as possible to maintain it. There is nothing as beautiful as being honest.

From the beginning of the relationship, don’t forget to tell her what you are up to, your past unfulfilling relationships, things you have passed through and so on. Don’t be shy to talk about your past, no matter how good, bad or ugly it was. Go into details if you want.

Even if it wasn’t a good experience, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Experiences are meant to shape us, and for us to learn something from it.

So, tell her things she should know, but never overwhelm her with truth. If you had a serious relationship with your ex, just tell her about it.  But you must not reveal every detail of what went through, how it went through, what you did with her, and what you did not do with her. Save her those explanations, unless she asks you, so that you won’t inspire unforeseen jealousy, envy or hatred.

Don’t just be comfortable with being honest with her; you must as a matter of fact accept her honest dealings with you. Try to appreciate her when she is telling you the truth. Someone may ask how we will know when she is telling the truth. Well, truth is one, unchanging and eternal. I think that has answered the question.

·        Trust her- love cannot exist without trust. When you trust her, you are giving her reasons to return the trust. Trust is the foundation of every relationship. Love is a conglomeration of deep commitment and trust.

Trust gives you the privilege of enjoying an amazing relationship with each other. When you trust her, you will know in clear terms, what she needs, wants or feels.

When you trust her, you will tell her so many good things people do not know about you. You are telling her these, not because you want to talk or you like to talk, but because you want her to know, and you feel she should know.

·        Keep having an interactive conversation with her- while discussing with her, try to be contributing. Don’t just be a listener only. You should neither be a talkative nor too quiet. She will think you are plain impolite or self-obsessed, if you are a talkative.

 If you are too quiet, she is likely going to think you are being distant or not interested in her.

If she is a talkative, try to change her politely so as to suit your person.  It will be to your disadvantage if you don’t change her at all or if you attempt changing her impolitely.

Authentic conversation is a two way process; both parties should be involved actively. You shouldn’t just be talking while she is not responding actively. The same thing applies to her.  She shouldn’t be telling you a story, and all you can do is just to be nodding your head or be staring at him absent mindedly.

When the conversations seem not to be going as expected, try to spice it up by asking questions like the type of movies she enjoys, and why she prefers a particular meal to another etc. Yes, simple questions like these can lead to a more enticing conversation.
·        Be a wonderful listener- the opposite of talking is listening, not patiently waiting for your turn to talk. You will never be described as a good boyfriend if you lack listening skills. When you are listening, never show any sign of disinterestedness, instead you have to listen intensely, fully engaged and interested in her presence.

 When she is talking, don’t give her reasons to repeat herself more than twice- if you exhibit such act, she will know you weren’t listening, and she will really not be happy about it.
·        Learn how to compromise- this is an important area where many relationships have flopped. Learning how to compromise is a very important thing love birds should do for a successful relationship.

 If you and your partner can’t disagree to agree, without engaging with a big fight, then there is a big problem. You need an emotional counsellor. 

To compromise perfectly, both you and your partner should be free to talk about your plans for the future, your needs and wants without fighting before arriving at a stand.

 When both of you have finished talking, draw a list of pro and con of what you have discussed, and then choose what both of you feel will be suitable for you.

 In this case, either you or your girlfriend should give up one thing for the other. If you are bent on claiming your right always, the relationship is likely going to crash.

Also, don’t always make a choice for your girlfriend, value her opinions most times. Seek her consent on some vital issues affecting the relationship. Don’t treat her as if she is a nonentity.

Another way of learning how to compromise is not using a harsh tone or voice on her. Don’t yell or even fail to listen to her when you have a disagreement with her. Girls generally, don’t like abusive guys. Learn to control your temper.